Honesty and Hope

Well hello again.  It’s been quite some time since I said anything here, almost four months, to be exact.  You might be wondering why the long absence.  If you were here at my house, I’d offer you a cup of tea with a little honey mixed in, and settle in somewhere comfy and familiar.

I’ve been going through a bit of a life crisis lately…not exactly a midlife crisis, I’m still too young for that.  Perhaps it’s because I’m increasingly aware of the fact that I’m so much closer to 30 than I am to 18, and that right now, quite frankly, I feel a bit like a lost hiker, looking around on the path and wondering if it’s going where I thought it was.  The other day, as I was pushing a patient down the hall, he asked how old I was.  I told him I was 28, and he said with a bit of shock in his voice, “You’re pushing 30!”  Yes, thank you sir, I am.  I had to bite my tongue to keep in the sarcastic comment that immediately popped up, reminding myself to be professional.

It’s not that I dread 30, thinking my life will end when I’m not in my twenties anymore.  On the contrary, I’m looking forward to my thirties.  The last decade has been a lot of long hours and hard work, paying off student loans, learning how to live with this man I so adore, and finally finding my place back in the church after a near decade long absence.  Deep down, I believe that my thirties are going to find me living the life that I’ve longed for, a life of simplicity, of increasing self-sufficiency, learning new skills, and, God willing, a baby or even two.  But there are days that it seems SO. FAR. AWAY.  On those days, its hard to stay positive, to keep my mind on the task at hand, and not simply stare out the window and dream of a different life.

So its been hard for me to write something here.  I’ve been floundering a bit for a purpose for this blog.  When I was earning my certificate, I was so excited to share what I was learning in my classes.  Afterwards, it became a lot harder to pick a topic because I’d set the expectation for myself that everything had to be research based, informative, and something that the average reader wouldn’t have already heard.  Let me tell you, that’s hard to keep up with!  I also felt like I couldn’t post anything personal anymore, because this was a forum that I hoped would bring me some health coaching clients, and they probably wouldn’t want to hear about my own personal struggles.  Who wants coaching from a person who struggles to exercise, sometimes blows her diet, and has days where staying positive seems nearly impossible?

I’m done with those expectations now.  I realize they were never realistic anyway.  I enjoy having a place to write and get my thoughts out, and if it encourages you to read them, that’s all the better.

Despite my long absence, I’ve gained a few fans in the last month.  Welcome!  A couple nurses have emailed me about the NIWH program, and if I was glad to have completed it.  I’ll be honest here: I am glad I did it.  I learned a tremendous amount over the last year that’s impacted my own life and health, and those of the people around me.  I had a great time doing health coaching with my internship clients, and they seemed to enjoy it as well.  But I haven’t been able to turn it into a source of income yet.  I hope that day is coming, but for now, it’s still in the future.


Produce from the local market

So what am I doing?  I’m pursuing the things that I want for my life.  I may not have a homestead, with chickens and bees and a vegetable garden to feed my family, but I’m supporting those around me who do.  I’m thrilled about the new Twilight Market in Ybor City every tuesday night.  I found a young couple who’s turned their rental property into a little urban farm, and they make the BEST jam I’ve ever tasted.  I bought a kale plant from them last week, and I’m looking forward to harvesting greens in my backyard this summer.  I also found a new organic buying club in my area, and I’m working on getting together some of my personal care products to sell through them.  This week I ordered some local eggs, pastured pork, and even rabbit meat.  Can’t wait to try it all!  And today I bought a big glass jug of pure apple juice to turn into cider.  No, it may not be from apples that I grew and juiced myself (one day!), but it’s another step down the path of self sufficiency.  Oh, and I also signed up a for a couple of classes with my local herbalist.  I’m looking forward to learning about the plants all around me and how to turn them into more than just a weed in my garden.

If you’re still sitting here reading, thanks for sticking with me.  I hope you’ve found something here that resonated with you or touched a spot in your own life.  As for me, I’m going to continue laying down those unrealistic expectations, pursuing my passions, and happily anticipating the day when the life I hope and pray for becomes reality.


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